we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
