Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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