I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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