Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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