I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
