I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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