She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
