Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
