i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
