i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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