cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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