The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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