I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And then he peed in my hair
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