I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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