what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
