i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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