We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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