Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo