Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif