areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dating After Heartbreak
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.