We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.