dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.