I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.