I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me