Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night