My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"