I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
