____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it hurts more in the daytime
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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