there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
