After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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