Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
