I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
