He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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