he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.