So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
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I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
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Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out