Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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