Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
