When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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