Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
