Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
