its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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