I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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