Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're earring is so big in my mouth
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.