What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Are my feet made of real feet?
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Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.