I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car