Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her