I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.