I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby