he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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