oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my shit smells like andre
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
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some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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