shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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