Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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