you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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