I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
