She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
