Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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