im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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