Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
