why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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