I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize