ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
