trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
