Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize