I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy