I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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