this beer tastes like vomit already
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.