Small penises have feelings too.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no